It feels to me like everyone is trying to be a writer these days, as a job that is.
I can feel really discouraged, thinking, "Why do I think I have something to write that's going to be good enough to compete in this current market place?"
I'm still attending weekly classes at Cardiff University and just the other day we were talking about all the guidelines with agents and publishing houses, and all the masses that are self publishing, many not to great standard, but still.
It feels like some writers are so great with the business side of things, the social networking, technical stuff, building a platform and visibility.
I find it all quite overwhelming.
I just want to write.
I guess it's encouraging to know that so many artists have doubted themselves, and my doubt does not indicate that I cannot write to a high standard, things that people may be willing to pay to read.
Or that I can't move forward slowly with the business side of things, and make progress.
I want to be positive, but I want to be a realist too. There are so many life coaches, and social network coaches constantly putting quotes out about believing in oneself etc, and I put those quotes on Twitter myself too, but sometimes it all makes me feels a bit queezy, like one could float on a cloud of eloquence then fall off and land in front of a reality bus travelling at speed.
Sometimes this task just feels way to big for me, and "I can't do it".
So I do doubt, and I am afraid not only that my work isn't good enough, but that I haven't got what it takes to be consistent, and to finish things, and to keep producing work that I can sell, or to sit my bum in front of the desk and pull something out of the bag, even when all I want to do is watch iplayer! (or hide in a box).
Or that I can do the things I may need to do on the admin side, that are required to write as a career.
I can do it though.
I just need to keep moving forward, one word at a time, and trust that if this is how I will make my living then I'll get there, at some point, and perhaps it wont matter if I'm not very good at social networking or doing the do.
Perhaps I'll send my manuscript to agents, and someone will love it and believe in what I do.
After all, that is possible...
