A change in stereotyping.

Today I watched an old black and white film starring Bette Davis called 'Of Human Bondage,' in which she plays a poor, ill tempered, cruel, selfish, violent waitress, who's choices lead her to a lung cancer death on a brothel floor.

Nice.

what was interesting to me, was that all the characters in the film we were supposed to like and sympathise with, were well spoken, and Bette's hateful vile character, had a strong cockney London accent.

I made a joke on facebook this week about the way all Tolkien's badies, including trolls, have cockney accents.

It was initially in jest, but today I started thinking a little deeper.

I've been reading books by Brene Brown, who is a 'shame researcher', and talks about the way what we read, see and watch in our culture, shapes the way we see ourselves and others.

I myself have always had a strong London, some might call cockney accent, and feel I have had to fight against stereotypes through out my life.

I worked in film and TV as a background artist in my 20's, sometimes accepting walk on roles. Then I auditioned for and aquired a place at drama school.  Peoples responses to me were mostly negative when I told them what I was doing, they used to say "What, are you going to be in Eastenders?"

I am not a wealthy person, I have also struggled with confidence in what I do, believing I can use my intelligence and be successful, or that I even have a right to.  I've described it to friends as a poverty mentality.

I realised that I've spent a life time of taking in messages from books, films, TV & advertising, that the only way people who speak the way I do get wealthy is through some kind of crime, and that the rest of us remain poor, struggling for money and lacking in intelligence.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't a chip on my shoulder thing, this is an observational thing.  Anyone, any person at all, if they wanted to think about it, could recognise the messages society delivers to them in particular through stereotyping.

It's even accepted.  Don't go against the norm.  People expect certain kinds of things and elements to what they read.

But I feel a responsibility to go against stereotypes in my writing, surely some of us have to. It's time for  a change!

My own first novel, has a protagonist who has a cockney accent, but no academia!  In fairness she's very bright with incredible emotional intelligence.  But as a writer, I myself have been following the stereotypes I have received and understood.

On a personal level, it's an important realisation.

Working class people with my accent are depicted as dysfunctional, criminal, in possession of ASBO's, struggling for money, in debt, mouthy and loud, lacking decorum to mention a few on a very long negative list, lacking in success, up to no good of some kind, seedy, prostitutes...

Even Eliza Doolittle was only 'acceptable' as a lady when she changed the way she spoke...nothing else would 'do'.

There will of course be some exceptions, but I'm talking about the underlying messages we all receive through media.

I have struggled to be proud of being working class, cockney Londoner, and it's easy to see why, when you take a lot at the societal depiction.

I have to confess to feeling ashamed of how I speak, and I can see why.

As a actress I trained in voice, and could quite easily change the way I speak for good if I wanted to, but for some reason it's never felt right to do that, it's felt fake, or conformity, and conformity isn't freedom.

For now I will be mindful about the way in which is stereotype in the things that I write.  I can't promise not to do it, it's in my bones, the way it's in us all, but I think that awareness can bring change.

A proverb

Yesterday I did a lot of blogging which felt really helpful and positive.

I wanted to set myself a little writing exercise to do on the spot,  just to get another part of my creative brain working.

So after making sure I had printed up all of the notes from Lynnes' "Telling tales" course, I decided to start reading them from the start like a book.

In week one our exercise was to write a contemporary story based on a proverb, or fable, or parable.

I have a bible in my office, which I grabbed and decided to open it on Proverbs and which ever one caught my eye, write a contemporary story.

I opened it on chapter 29 v 18 "Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint.."

I had fun.

I went down the 'sister with restraint, dealing with sister without it' road. The visionless sister, you could say.

It flowed and I enjoyed myself.

It doesn't always flow like that, and Lynne's taught a lot about planning, which I found helpful and good for recognising there doesn't have to be any writers block. I think on this occasion I felt clear about what I wanted to say and why, very quickly.

Perhaps now I'll implement some of the planning things to get the structure going on, and the narrative clearer.  It may need to be longer too, and my theme explored.

Given what I wrote yesterday about root themes, I think this one is possibly helplessness. It does however have humour in there.

I was thinking women's magazines, and truly a lot of my stuff would be a little gloomy for them.

I seem to explore loss a lot in my writing, and things like addiction. In my 20's I wrote a lot of comedy though, so I'd like to see a return to that this year.

I love the way Lynne has helped me see the ways in which a person can become a writer, and the discipline one can learn and implement, so that I am not reliant on 'flow', or limited to only writing what I feel inspired to write.

I like the idea of writing for a particular marketplace.  Of the discipline of using my skill to meet a particular need. It feels very businesslike, and I love a bit of that.

Guess what? I'm starting to believe I can do this! (re read this line Kel, on your doubting days!)

A start...a vision.

A start.

Yesterday I managed to write a short story (Yey). I say write, I did a first rough draft, and it will need plenty of work, but it felt good!

I think the list I wrote regarding distractions, that really turned into something else, helped a lot. I may need to re visit that list regularly to remind myself.  It amazes me still, how powerful awareness can be to instigate positive change.

I also think I let the fact that my spelling and punctuation are pretty sucky, put me off, or make me feel I will fall short and be exposed as a bit stupid.

It's more that they are not perfect.

It's true what I wrote, that I put ridiculously high expectations on myself.  It's also true that as a writer, I need to be really good at those things, as it's important, but I don't need to allow them to block me moving forward in my career.

A vision.

So, the start was so important to me because it moved me forward in my vision, in my hearts desire, which is to become a paid and published writer this year.

My strategy for this vision is as follows..

1. To make a list of writing competitions happening this year that would be suitable for me to enter, and enter at least one a month.

(This also includes looking at what the competitions require and writing stories/pieces or revamping pieces I've already written, and getting them sent off. This will really boost my confidence and get me into the habit of having a continuous flow of work being sent out. My objective is that it may build some visability for my work, if any pieces are successful, and some income however small, and be something I could include in letters to agents.)

2. To work on a body of short stories suitable for the women's magazine market.

(I could also send short stories that I've sent to competitions, in to women's magazines, but I cannot do this the other way round as once I've been paid for a story I cannot publish it elsewhere).

3. To work on editing my first full novel to a high standard and get it sent off to an agent.  Even if it's only one! It will do something to my thinking, and my brain will go "well we did it once we can do it again!"

(which applies to both finishing a novel and getting it sent out with a good cover letter, and correct presentation).

4. Do some work on some of the other Novels I have started working on, the ones I feel strongly "have legs."

5. Continue to work on things like punctuation, spelling, building stamina for how long I can read and concentrate for.  This will enable me to do more work and enhance my chances of creating work of a high enough standard for publishing.

6. To go through the backlog of work I have done over the years, get everything filed, and sort out what has potential for development.  In particular getting together groups of short stories for both competitions and magazines.

7. To complete Lynne Barret-Lee's ten week course on novel writing, which I have done once before, and use this time to work on more potential stories (as we will have short homework assignments) or getting together my Novel idea's "with legs" and developing them further.

(My objective here is to continue to improve the standard and originality of my work and it's presentation).

The root theme of a story.

I have been attending courses at Cardiff University,  taught by the writer Lynne Barrett-Lee.  I just completed her ten week course 'Telling tales', on short story writing, and am making my way through the notes from each week.

She writes 'Taken back to it's roots....a piece of fiction is there to illustrate a fact, or group of facts.  A universal truth, very often, in the case of proverbs and aphorisms, a piece of important religious teaching, in the form of a parable, and the case of a fable, an example of an accepted moral code'.

This started me thinking about the root theme of a story. I sometimes have trouble pinpointing what mine are, which can lead me to go off on too many tangents, and get overwhelmed by my own story, short or long (novel) which then makes everything a nightmare to edit, and I'm back in the land of welcoming any distraction.

I recently saw Peters Jackson's new film 'The Hobbit', a classic and favourite. So I sat here thinking about the true root theme of that story, which is evident really clearly, even though this is essentially the first part of a three part telling of the whole story.

It's HOME.

That's the basic human thing, that any reader or watcher can relate to, however unconsciously or consciously.

The Dwarfs have no home, no land to call their own, and they need help to reclaim it.  Bilbo Baggins is afraid, but he overcomes his fear because he has a home, and knows how important it is to him, so he understands their quest, and he wants to help.  He wants them to have what he has, and he's willing to take a big risk because of it.

It reminded me of the plight of the people of Israel, and I wondered if because Tolkien was a Christian, if his story was even a parable of biblical history.  The Israelites have been without a home, a land to call their own..I lack the political and historical knowledge to get into that too deep, it was just a thought.

Still, we all need a place to call home, even if that place is inside of us, and not a physical place. It's a universal theme that anyone could identify with, and therefore a great theme for a story, a world, and characters to be built on.

COURAGE is another very strong theme in the story, but with out the quest for HOME, there would be no need for courage.

So understanding my root theme, for a short story, or a novel that I'm writing is important, and may be another key in creating a consistent working environment, where things are completed to a standard and put 'out there'.

To summarise, the root theme is the one that gives any other theme it's purpose for being.

Distraction?

I thought it might help to make a list of the things that distract me from writing.

1.  Tiredness - foggy head.

This is a symptom of a health condition I am still recovering from, and probably the number one enemy, when it comes to distractions, or perhaps we could call this one a reason, to not write - pretty legitimate perhaps.

2. An underlying fear of failure, success, judgement and criticism.

This one's tricky, as it is possibly impossible not to encounter at least three of these, and frequently! still were just naming things here, shining a light on them if you will.

3. The fear that I can't do it, that nothing will come, that no one would possibly want to read what I have written, let alone pay for it.

OK, so the list has surprised me so far, it doesn't seem to be distractions, more fears and beliefs, things at the root of why I allow myself to be distracted, or just don't write at all!

4. Bills and admin.

This is a distraction, it takes time and energy, and seems to take my creative energy and shoot it in the head.  Especially when it's a problem that drags on and on, like my internet speed having dropped off and the post office wanting me to run tests for 72 hours before they will send an engineer.

5. Stuff that needs doing including eating, cooking, cleaning, washing, dressing, clothes washing and the list goes on.

Unlike some writers, because of my health, I cannot stay up all night when I'm in the zone, or skip food to soldier on. I have to take really good care of myself, and I have to eat something every couple of hours.

6. Lack of ability to stay focused.

I have literally wondered if I have A.D.D.  Right from school I was a restless, fidgety creature.  I used to have the ability to focus on one thing and blot everything else out, to a point that was obsessional.  But obsession isn't very healthy, and I want to be a healthy writer!

7. My neighbours dog barking it's head off for 4 hours non stop.

In fairness that would distract the dead.

8. Phones and people knocking on the door/ emails that need a reply.

The solution to this one is easy. This is one of those where I allow myself to be distracted due to some of the things on this list. I once started reading the whole booklet on how to do a tax return because I thought it would be good to know everything about the Inland Revenue..I quickly realised that I would rather do anything than edit my novel, because deep down I was afraid I couldn't do it!

9. Fear of change.

Interesting...

10. The belief that I don't deserve to do the thing I love to do, or be paid for it, or be fulfilled or have any wealth, success or talent - because then people wont like me, and I will have to face rejection.

Where did that come from?! Man that's deep. Is it true....?

I think I learned growing up that work was something you were supposed to hate, that made you stressed and miserable and ill, but you had to exist this way to pay the rent and put food on the table.

11. Ridiculously high expectations I put on myself.

Yep, just need to allow myself a process of something messy and sketchy, that with work turns into something of a higher standard. Instead of everything I put on paper needing to be potential for The Man Booker Prize.

I have been totally surprised by this list and am starting to sense that distraction is not the problem at all...Dr. Phil (On Oprah) used to say "You can't change what you don't acknowledge"

List acknowledged!

Making threats.

So.  My words for this year, FOCUS and DISCIPLINE.  My reality of last year, DISTRACTION. The Queen of actually. I decided that if there were a small Island somewhere called distraction, I would indeed be the Queen of it, crown and everything.

I have been a bully of words, I threaten them to be written but I do not write them.

I threaten manuscripts to be edited, but I do not edit them.

I threaten shorts stories to be finished, and they cower in the corner of my office trembling, but I do not finish them.

I threaten myself, that I will be a published writer, and yet I am not.

All this needs to change.

I need to stop threatening like bullies do, and choose to focus, choose to discipline myself (sit in the chair even if I only scratch my nose) and choose to embrace and do, however little, make a start. Practice intent and do.

After all, I believe that really is the only difference between published and unpublished writers. Unless of course your work isn't very good.  If that's true of me, then I'll just make it better.

Who was it said genius is only 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, or something like that?!

I'm getting started with a commitment to do this blog most days of the week, even if it's just to be honest about the distractions. Hey don't they say to know your enemy...I feel the next blog coming on.

One step at a time.

It feels to me like everyone is trying to be a writer these days, as a job that is.

I can feel really discouraged, thinking, "Why do I think I have something to write that's going to be good enough to compete in this current market place?"

I'm still attending weekly classes at Cardiff University and just the other day we were talking about all the guidelines with agents and publishing houses, and all the masses that are self publishing, many not to great standard, but still.

It feels like some writers are so great with the business side of things, the social networking, technical stuff, building a platform and visibility.

I find it all quite overwhelming.

I just want to write.

I guess it's encouraging to know that so many artists have doubted themselves, and my doubt does not indicate that I cannot write to a high standard, things that people may be willing to pay to read.

Or that I can't move forward slowly with the business side of things, and make progress.

I want to be positive, but I want to be a realist too.  There are so many life coaches, and social network coaches constantly putting quotes out about believing in oneself etc, and I put those quotes on Twitter myself too, but sometimes it all makes me feels a bit queezy, like one could float on a cloud of eloquence then fall off and land in front of a reality bus travelling at speed.

Sometimes this task just feels way to big for me, and "I can't do it".

So I do doubt, and I am afraid not only that my work isn't good enough, but that I haven't got what it takes to be consistent, and to finish things, and to keep producing work that I can sell, or to sit my bum in front of the desk and pull something out of the bag, even when all I want to do is watch iplayer! (or hide in a box).

Or that I can do the things I may need to do on the admin side, that are required to write as a career.

I can do it though.

I just need to keep moving forward, one word at a time, and trust that if this is how I will make my living then I'll get there, at some point, and perhaps it wont matter if I'm not very good at social networking or doing the do.

Perhaps I'll send my manuscript to agents, and someone will love it and believe in what I do.

After all, that is possible...