Hurrah!

So since I last wrote 2 days ago, I have made a start!

Yesterday I did a final edit on a short story called 'Remaining Silent.'

I also reviewed a piece I began work on when I was doing Lynne Barrett-Lee's short story writing course at Cardiff University 'Telling Tales' (I highly recommend this course). I'd like to develop this piece into a short story.

Today I worked on a short story I also began on the above mentioned course called 'Smells like May' which I like as it's written in the 2nd person, a style I enjoy because I love the energy and immediacy it produces, and also that it's not used that often so it feels quite fresh.

I also read the first 3 weeks worth of notes from the Telling Tales course and wrote all the key points up on the wall (I use lining wallpaper and pin it to the wall, something I learned whilst doing my Degree in Acting. Big piece of plain paper for scrawling on and brainstorming, I find the movement helps my creative process, and writing things big in colour gets my brain juices going!)

I then had an idea to write some backstory for one of the main characters in my novel. I'd like to develop him and give him more depth. The female character in my novel is so fully realised that you are straight in there with her, and on her journey, but the guy not as much and I don't think I did enough work on him in my planning...

Well let's face it, I didn't do any planning. I wrote the opening lines of the novel on a napkin on one of the rare occasions I was able to leave the house, about 14 years ago, just after I first collapsed and became housebound!

I wrote the novel little by little over the years, on bits of paper when I was able to sit up in bed.  Sometimes when I couldn't sleep until 4am, I would grab a piece of paper and just write down the characters thoughts, sometimes I'd manage to write a whole scene.

Sometimes I wouldn't write anything for months, or even a year and then a few years back I stayed with some friends for a long spell, and they cared for me, cooked for me, and it meant I could use the strength I had to try and piece all the thousands of bits of paper together into some kind of coherent narrative.

It took several months, but I did it.

But now I have a six part novel, that needs serious editing, and I find the prospect completely overwhelming. It seems just too much to try and hold in my head, when concentration is so tough anyway.

I have learned a lot about the planning process and would never write a book the same way I did that one! I wonder wether to write a different book using the planning skill's I've learned and maybe go back to the first one when my health and stamina is much improved?

Procrastination! Yuk.

Anyway, I have made a wonderful start, and it feels so empowering to be able to sit at a desk again, even if it is only for a short while. I have been productive!

The fear creeps in, 'how long will it last?' and the answer is I don't know, but I do know that I'm learning new skills to manage my health condition and support my body's systems.

I may not be able to do some writing every day, but I can keep being honest about my process in this blog, and do what I can. I can just show up and see what happens.

Some Kind of Start, Methinks...

Sadly my health nosedived around the time of my last blog post back in January, and I have not done any creative writing since.

In my list of reasons I wrote at the start of the year, as I thought about things that distract me, health problems were on the list.

I don't want to dwell on that much, it is what it is, but I've been thinking about how to start writing again, when I feel so out of that space and I guess full of all the self doubt I had when I wrote the distractions list.  Writing that list got me started, so I thought why don't I blog about the 'not' writing?

Perhaps it will free me up to write again.

Get the bogies out of my unconscious into the light where I can see them.

I suppose the disappointment of finding myself too unwell to focus or sit at the desk was really hard. It felt devastating.  It's happened more times that I can count.

I had started to get a flow going, started building stamina that I hoped would take me back to being able to have a go at editing my novel. I so want to finish that thing!!

I also had categorised every idea or piece, including just notes, for stories and projects I had written dating back to when i was a kid, and I could see I had an impressive body of work to get stuck into.

I had started to believe in moments that I could actually do this, be an author who produced regular work.

What my work needs is hours, time. To put in the hours, to persevere, to go over to get the standard as it needs to be. My health condition has meant so little energy, and being able to work up to an hour at most. Super frustrating.

Now I am slowly recovering, very slowly. I am also advised not to push myself as my Mitochondria (the energy component of the human cell) needs to recover from the relapse I have had.

So, how do I start writing again, with limited energy and focus, when one needs to get the flow going and 'get into it', which takes about the time I'd have to work?

Do I just accept that until I recover more I just cant put in the time at a desk? Do I at least start blogging again? (my brain really needs something to think about outside my recovery).

Do I just start reading the first draft of my novel, meaning I don't have to be sitting at my desk?

The answer is, I really don't know.

But here's a good thing...I've been threatening to start blogging again for a couple of weeks now, and today, even if it was right before bed, I have done it!

Some kind of start, methinks...